Finding a Replacement Minion
by TwilightSparkle3562
Summary: Following King Sombra's betrayal and eventual death at the hooves of the main six, Grogar holds interviews for possible replacements. Author's note: Rated T for slight toilet humor.


Disclaimer: I do not own "My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic" or its characters. They are property of Hasbro Studios and DHX Media.

"Finding a Replacement Minion"

By TwilightSparkle3562

Three of Equestria's most feared villains stood before their supreme leader at the crack of dawn. The leader, a demonic ram named Grogar, had gathered them together at his table for an important assignment.

"I suppose you are wondering why I summoned you at the crack of first light," Grogar said, addressing his three minions. "It has come to my attention that in order for our ultimate goal to succeed, I need another minion."

"But didn't you say that we are more than enough to help you conquer Equestria?" asked Cozy Glow, the young Pegasus filly only to be met with a stare from Grogar. "Um, that is what you said, right?"

"I did say that. But, it's always wise to have an insurance plan, something that I didn't have when Gusty the Great stole my bell."

Activating his crystal ball, Grogar stared down as the ball tried to show him what he sought. Finally, he once again showed his minions a familiar sight: the defeat and death of King Sombra, the unicorn king who defied Grogar by striking out on his own.

"I don't see the point of this," remarked Lord Tirek, the centaur. "If we aren't going to be enough, then whom do you have in mind?"

Grogar snickered to himself, causing the remaining minions to become slightly nervous.

"I've done a little…research since Sombra lost more than his life," Grogar remarked. "Finding the worst of the worst not just in Equestria, but from other lands as well."

Suddenly, the ground beneath them all shook as a fat and obese figure in Scottish garb stomped over towards them.

"May I introduce to you my first candidate for replacing King Sombra," Grogar announced, much to the villains irritation and surprise. "He is the spy for Dr. Evil in the ministry of defense…Fat Bastard."

The fat scotsman was quick to make his presence felt.

"First things first, where's your toilet?" he asked. "I've got a turtlehead poking out."

Right away, Grogar immediately began to be taken aback. He was looking for worthy replacements for his plan, but realized he may have gone too far.

"Charming," muttered Lord Tirek.

"I'm not kidding, I've got a crap on deck that can choke a donkey," continued Fat Bastard, moving back and forth awkwardly. "Ooh, it's squeegee! Christ, I'm getting emotional thinking about it."

Queen Chrysalis of the Changelings like all the other villains had a disgusted look on her face just looking at Fat Bastard.

"Rrrright," she remarked, looking back at Grogar. "Just who do you think he is, Grogar?"

"Yes, uh, ahem," Grogar stuttered, trying to not be disgusted. "Fat Bastard, you claim that you can spy on any leader of any land, yes?"

"Of course I can, donkey. Would you like me to show you my secret weapon?"

Fat Bastard turned around and attempted to pull down his large pants, but Grogar said otherwise.

"That won't do!" he cried. "Let's just get on with it, all right?"

"He's really grossing me out," whispered Cozy Glow to Tirek, who nodded in reply.

"Are you willing to do everything I say if I recruit you?" asked Grogar. "Without your disgusting behavior?"

"Of course, but I can't control my behavior donkey," answered Fat Bastard, as a loud disgusting noise came out from behind him. "You see what I mean?"

"Seriously, I don't know who you are," cried Queen Chrysalis, activating her horn, staring down Fat Bastard. "But, I am not going to tolerate stupid minions like yourself!"

Hearing this, Fat Bastard became very cross.

"You hear that, donkey?" the Scotsman cried. "She called me stupid! I ain't stupid!"

"Of course you are stupid," snarled Chrysalis, glaring him down. "I've had better servants with dumb minds who are more worthy than you!"

"Gee, I guess I know when my efforts aren't appreciated," Fat Bastard said, taking his eyes of Chrysalis. "But, uh, before I go donkey, I need to use your…"

Hearing enough, Grogar activated his bell and sent Fat Bastard away, a look of disappointment on the ram's face.

"Seriously, who was he anyway?" remarked Lord Tirek.

"Someone that is unqualified to join my ranks," said Grogar, turning back towards his ball, tapping on it once more. "Let's find out if my next candidate is slightly better."

…

Once again activating his ball, a shot of gold magic produced the next candidate, a human like Fat Bastard, but a skinny old human male dressed in a dark green prison jumpsuit.

"Good morning," he said in a slight British accent. "I am Dr. Hannibal Lecter, psychologist."

"And serial killer," Grogar added, a smile forming on his face. "Known for eating the dead bodies of your victims. That's how you earned your title of cannibal, yes?"

"You could say that," remarked Hannibal, leaning forward and licking his tongue perversely at the other villains, especially at Cozy Glow. "I can smell your ciante."

"Okay, he's just as bad as the previous guy," the young filly cried, hiding in Tirek's beard. "Send him away, Grogar!"

"I mean your child no harm at all," Hannibal continued. "What I seek is to serve you and you alone, Grogar. And, if anyone gets out of line, I'll kill them and…"

"Enough," Grogar interrupted, recognizing that Hannibal was going to be a loose cannon like Sombra was for all the wrong reasons. "With all due respect, Dr. Lecter, I'm looking for servants, not butchers to aide in my plans."

And with a flick of magic, he sent Dr. Lecter away.

"Oh, thanks, Grofar," sighed Cozy Glow. "He's just as creepy as the fat guy was."

"Yes, he was, wasn't he?" muttered Grogar. "Still, there are plenty more where he came from."

Once again activating his bell, Grogar summoned his next candidate. A loud cackle came out of the candidate's mouth, a green skinned female human dressed entirely in black with a pointed black hat. Frightened, Cozy Glow once again hid herself in Tirek's beard.

"Who summons me, the Wicked Witch of the West, from the depths of darkness?" the green skinned female cried.

"It was I," Grogar replied. "You may call me…Grogar."

The witch came forward with her broomstick clutched in her left hand, her mere presence causing fear amongst the villains.

"Grogar?" the witch asked. "What do you ask of me?"

"To join my ranks in my conquest of Equestria," Grogar answered. "I've heard you terrorized the land of Oz up until the actions of a little human girl destroyed you."

"The one who stole my sister's ruby slippers," the witch snapped. "But, she will pay dearly for destroying me. Can you help me where she is?"

Right away, Grogar sensed that the Wicked Witch of the West was going to be playing by her own rules. Activating his bell, he sent her away much to Cozy Glow's relief. Knowing that he was getting nowhere with finding a replacement, Grogar sighed heavily.

"It seems like you three are going to be the ones I trust after all," Grogar sighed. "I would once again advise you to keep preparing to work together."

With his minions watching, Grogar slowly left his ball, knowing firsthand that he was going to be relying on the ones he had in front of him if his plan of conquering Equestria would be a success…

…

THE END


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